Common Comradery
by Lord Windsor
Summary: In a quiet world touched by the tongue of OOC, many a few world-renowned personalities meet together in a tale of comradery.


Cloud Strife was very sensitive about his past. He was very sensitive about his birth. And he was very sensitive of the fact that he was part chocobo.

His mother -- Goldie, the pet shop owners called her -- was an exquisite avian. Her long sweeping feathers curved and twisted down her butt, and her plumage was to die for. She would hop around the display window, flutter her eyelashes at passerby, and wiggle her budunkudunk. Cloud's father was walking down the street carrying an opaque black bag of bird porn. It was love at first sight.

He was sensitive over being hatched from an egg, though the veterinarians told him it was completely healthy, albeit unusual. He had no siblings, of which he was relieved. He didn't want responsibility over a retarded chocobo sister. He enjoyed living alone in the dark. The dark… not a lamp had ever been switched on in his church. He didn't believe in bills, no matter how many times Aerith told him to get the hell out of the house and find a job with good gil. Tifa prostituted in local crematoriums, therefore providing the income for their dysfunctional household. And Zack… let's not talk about Zack.

Enter the life of this church-bound comradeship.

Tifa strolled through the high wooden doors, scratching at her boobs and half-assedly adjusting her teeny tiny shirt. Tifa, you see, is well-endowed. "All the more money," she exclaims proudly, dinking her cold nipples. She struts down the center aisle, imagining she was on a catwalk. A catwalk, babe, yeah you shake your little tush on the catwalk! She was sexy. Too sexy for her shirt. Hey! She whipped it off, pleasurably.

She came to a stop, and a pose, and a one -- two -- turn! "What's for dinner?"

Silence met her perky words. She sighed and cocked her hip, folding her arms across her chest. Then, realizing her mistake, she dropped her arms with a chuckle. The church was supposedly empty. Well, if you didn't know these people, you would assume it was empty. Tifa knew these people. She gave a lengthy sigh.

Crouching down on the garden that took up most the floor-space of the church, she crawled on her hands and knees. She was careful to flash anyone that could have been behind her with her thong and freshly shaven ass. Following a well memorized path through the soil, she came to a rest at a freshly dug patch. She dug her fingers down and burrowed a foot into the ground. Aha! A glint of bright yellow packaging. She heaved it out and threw it a distance away, knowing that the strong scent of Choco Delight was more than enough to resist.

She sat up on her knees proudly. "Cloud?" she sang.

There was a scuttle in the corner as a foot was yanked into the shadows and out of sight. Tifa noticed it through her peripheral vision and grinned. "There you are!" she teased and trotted to the dark spot.

Cloud sat there, panicking. Tifa would find him again. Drag him away from his corner and into the light. He shook violently. "G-go away…" he mumbled.

Tifa giggled over-enthusiastically. "_There_ you are, Cloud!" She dragged him away from his corner and into the light by his foot. Cloud screamed.

"Now where is little Zack?" She wouldn't drop the sing-song voice.

Again she was met by silence.

She sighed more huffily this time. "Why, oh why, won't you two use your voices?" A beam. "Zaaaack!" She placed her hands giddily upon her hips.

Zack was huddled behind a pillar, slowly screwing a toothpaste cap back on the tube. A serene smile graced the man's face.

All the hiding places had been used at least once before, so it didn't take Tifa long to find Zack. She waggled a finger at him. "Now, now, Zack! It's dinner time! You need to come out and play!"

Zack unscrewed the toothpaste cap.

Cloud shuffled over to the wooden plank on which their meals were placed. "I-I'm sick of Ch-Choco Delight," he braved. "Wark." His eyes widened and he threw his hands over his mouth in shame.

"Come now, bird boy, everyone knows it's the only thing you'll eat!"

Bad words. Cloud thrust himself onto the ground, clutching his head and bellowing, "_CARNIVAL!!"_

Tifa smiled condescendingly. "It's true, Cloud. We wouldn't want them coming back and… taking you home, now would we?"

Cloud shook his head back and forth, back and forth, shivering.

"Now where is Lady Aeris?"

"Wark."

Tifa wouldn't take that for an answer. "CARNIVAL!" she bellowed, grinning at the poor Halfling's reaction.

Zack hadn't approached the table at all, finding more comfort in his pet toothpaste tube than in his roommates. However, not many can simply ignore the blood-curdling shrieks that never seemed to end, adding to the soundtrack of sweet church life. His eyes darted up and down, from the browning cap to the coiling man in the flowerbed. His brain processed it slowly, taking in his whereabouts first. He was… home. He was… in his zone. But then Cloud went and had his little whack-attack again, and all of it was flushed down the drain. He was thrust from his happy white daydream into the cold dark world of reality. He frowned.

Cloud stopped screaming after a few slaps from the bosom. Tifa didn't like using her hands, instead she utilized her powerful breasts. She left the hybrid shaking on the hard wooden floor, hands over his head.

"I'm sorry, Tifa," he whispered through his knees, "I promise not to make such loud noises ever again."

Tifa replied with a hard yank on a blonde spike that leaked through Cloud's protective fingers. "That'll do, Spiky. That'll do."


End file.
